Are you a professional asshat? You just might be. Asshats undermine the work whitehats and even blackhats do in the security industry creating attacks against random people and places for no real reason, except that they might have been ticked off or want some laughs. As researchers we sometimes do have to call out bull, but professional asshats will attack everything and everyone and gang up together to destroy people and places for no rhyme or reason. How do I know this? The professional asshats are extremely interesting to me and I by mistake was one a long time ago when I was a teenager until it was pointed out to me. This talk will discuss how to go from a professional asshat to a professional whitehat.